August: an INNER course of action

The warmth of the sun, the composting time for the earth, planting deep roots and ridding ourselves of weeds that spring up unbidden...time to allow thoughts and patterns that no longer serve to be turned under, let the filter of Mother Earth and Sister Moon offer the gift of mulching, ebb and flow, seasonal shift.

Time for a personal inner search this month. I will be in Brazil for the month of August--what better place to observe and swim deep in the RIVER and invite a shift in current. This is a challenge, an urge from within, to meet my soul in the deep underworld of its growth and emerge into the sun with the piece of spirit that is calling to be heard.

Time to PRAY RAIN people

"and there it is...just like that...superpower of the day--the power to  pray--check in with spirit, sense what my own heart is calling for and  resonate in that zone for a few minutes.  it can't show up unless it  knows i want it right? so unless i spend some energy calling it in,  sensing what it feels like, how i feel doing it--even when i don't know  what "it" is right now"  as i stated  A  few weeks ago.

Well let me say how much it seems i learn this one over and over; be really clear about the things i say or way i resonate my sense of being in prayer because, boy oh boy does it come on through when i ask for it.  And i have been "askin for it" for weeks now.  Stuff has been showing up left and right, begging the questions...is this what you wanted, how about this,  ok how about this now, and this one, let's try this bit on for size.  the universe hasn't been kidding around bringing me so many "answers to prayer" for me to try on that i haven't felt settled for ages.  But this other message--not the frenetic, chaotic one that tests me lately--but a glimpse into the space of connection, creating a unity and wholeness of spirit has appeared in my inbox (LITERALLY) and i want to share this bit here as well...

       "The deeply shifting intention on the planet Earth is creating an atmosphere of "perceived" chaos – Yes, the financial structures are failing, however, is that really what you are trying to protect here? Structures that have been set into place over time under misguided intention of "more is better". The Earth's core is shifting, creating quaking which results in volcanoes, earthquakes, unusual weather patterns and interactions, however it is like She is waking up after a sleep of nightmarish proportion. The greed of humanity, letting love and pure intention fall behind in value, has created the need to stretch and shake off the copasetic, passive pose of "whatever".
         The analogy – actually not analogy – the Truth of being transmitters is key. Plant your feet firmly on the ground and with intention – arms raised or not – transmit the Earth's needs into the air. Let her release through you as a loving conduit. In the same way, you will be transmitting to her the Universe's reply to her pleas. This two-way "radio" communication being conducted by living, breathing, loving energy is healing for both the distressed sender and the return broadcast from abroad – and we mean abroad in a very, very, expansive way Dear One.
         This role cannot be underestimated. There need be no interpretation of the message either way – there is no "code" to break. Pure intention, child-like joy-filled peace and harmony resonation is the most effective non-filter for this work. Out of mind and through the sacred heart. This is "our" task at hand now."  

And so i take my stand--deeply connecting to the filtering, cleansing, magnifying power of mother earth;(this is more than just a "be the ball" visualization, it is the pure practice of actually feeling the sweet flow of the river of manifesting as it becomes what i am in the now--much like the naugal wise man who didn't pray FOR rain, he just prayed rain, sensing, gushing feeling being rain, until it actually did.)

Transmitting my own prayer with a consciousness i haven't been this keenly aware of until now.  Gotta love it when a message in your inbox states it that easily right?  can't ask for a more clear delivery of intent than that!:)

The Warrior's Lament or With Arms Outstretched Wide

A few years ago I participated in a 7 day personal vision quest with a group of about 10 people. Three full days and nights of the quest were solo and fasting in the wilderness.The pre and post days were spent in preparation and follow-up with the group in the wilderness as well. I experienced some major personal revelations/visitations during that solo time on the mountain, and my learning and own awareness continues to unfold as time keeps on slipping into the future from those mountaintop moments. A few months back I met with my good friend and facilitator of the visionquest journey--who was interviewing me for his dissertation—a piece on the vision quest experience. I was really curious to hear his observations and asked if i could read it when he was done--so i just got it and read it and here is what came of that...

It’s so funny how shocked I always am by an outsider’s perspective on my own inner journey. I have had several moments sitting on the therapist's couch when I have learned some really surprising bits about myself 

and have felt none too settled as I digested the curious information.

This is how I felt as I read his paper—shocked, surprised, even troubled by the summation he had come to on my personal learning from the journey. Is this really what came across as the most important piece of information I had shared? Could he have possibly been not really listening to what I had to say? Is it possible that he came into the interview with so many preconceived notions that he only heard what he wanted to? Well all of this is possible and actually even probable—I’m of the opinion we typically only hear what we want, and only as it relates to us most of the time. However with all those disclaimers being made, I also came to another conclusion that was quite surprising to me...

I had learned something much bigger, more powerful and poignant than any of the conclusions he came to about what I shared, but he could only base his observations on what I told him; He wasn’t up there on the mountain with me; He didn’t stand on the edge of that cliff with me, chest bared, long hair whipping in the wind as I wailed out my own personal lament, crying to the ancestors that surrounded me to ‘come running’ as if from Rumi’s stretcher of angels; 

How could he have known any of these things...

because I didn’t tell him? 

Not only didn’t I tell him, I considered the knowledge, the personal revelation, the intimate experience to be in fact so intimate that I could only reveal it in the verymost intense and 
deeply in touch of moments that few on this plane would ever know it.

So why when I read his observations was I so offended that he hadn’t read it in my essence 
as if from the ethers?  Oh the personal indignation, nostrils flaring, quippy dismissal—I moved effortlessly into fullblown denunciation without much provocation(all with at least a small maintained sense of humor about the whole thing)  that I had to let go even that fact that I had read his paper at all for a period of time.   As I caught my breath, let a few weeks pass, reread the paper a few times—most importantly reviewed, expressed, defined and embraced the big lessons that sit so profoundly on my heart from this experience, I realized that I had fully protected, guarded and strong-armed any intrusion into that space, even from the most well-meaning of inquiries.

And here it is… How else is it possible that others come to know those places in me, other than if I choose to share them?  I am the keyholder and gatekeeper—wow, I get all the power.  But what’s that guardianship worth if there isn’t anyone to share it with?  Realizing all this, I look at some of his observations and the pendulum swings back…maybe he wasn’t entirely off the mark, maybe he was able to come to some conclusions about what I had told him that really did have something to do with what was going on for me…and then a little more breath, allowing, okayness sneaks in.   and so we are both right…there is more to share and more to learn…and just like that,

now the way is made open.